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I Have The Power! Musclebound Heroes Make Momentous Return

He-Man poses sword up Castle Grayskull

He-Man strikes an understated pose

 

Anyone who is old enough to remember He-Man and the Masters of the Universe will be rejoicing at the fact that these boner-fide beefcakes are rocketing back on the scene with brand new toys, a new TV show and possibly a new movie. 

Recent reboot of He-Man’s sister She-Ra’s cartoon series on Netflix has been a success, with its fifth and final series launching this spring on the streaming giant. Director Kevin Smith announced in 2019 that he was producing a new series with recent Charlie’s Angels reboot hottie Noah Cenitneo voicing the title role. In anticipation of the new series, retro toy versions of your fave characters are now up for pre-order.

 

 Noah Cenitneo rugged lumberjack coat white t-shirt

Charlie's Angels hunk Noah Centineo to voice He-Man

 

Big business

He-Man and his pals were the stars of a massively popular cartoon on kid’s TV which aired in conjunction with a toy range that was a business as big as He-Man’s biceps. In the eighties, the toys sold to the tune of over $400million, even spawning its own Hollywood movie starring Danish deity and Schwarzenegger-lite Dolph Lundgren and a pre-Friends Courtney Cox.

 

Set on the fictional planet of Eternia, where clearly there was something steroid-y in the water, the show was about He-Man’s adventures on and off world. He battled a variety of cosmic foes but mainly his nemesis Skeletor, a similarly hench being but with blue skin and a hooded skull for a head.

 

As a kid I was drawn to He-Man and the Masters Of The Universe. Only as I got older and looked back on those heady days do I realise just what the attraction was. He-Man was as kind and moral as he was macho.

 Dolph Lundgren 80s muscled bulging blue shorts

Dolph Lundgren in his 80's hey day

 

His alter-ego, Prince Adam, was by comparison a coward and despite having the same face, physique and dodgy blonde bob, no-one knew they were the same person. It’s a thing ok, just as Clark Kent.

 

Pumped for action

It wasn’t just He-Man that caught the eye. His mates and enemies all bore the same muscular figure (due to using the same mould to make the toys more profitable) and their names were even more suspect than the fact they all only wore pants, boots and some form of removable armour.

 

I remember one of my favourites being Fisto, a rather beardy daddy figure with a giant gauntlet that came with its own mechanical thrust motion. No, I’m not making it up. Then of course then was Ram-Man with huge upper body muscles and short stubby legs, spring mounted for extra purchase.

 Fisto Action Figure Metal Fist Aloft

Fisto in all his glory. Should we call A&E in advance?

 

Suckered

Why someone never made a porn inspired by He-Man I shall never know. Some of the characters even squirted water, a highlight being Leech who had giant suckers for hands so you could stick him a to a window or a mirror.

 

An episode of documentary series The Toys That Made Us (also on Netflix) is dedicated to the rise and fall of He-Man and the Master Of The Universe should you care to bone up on He-Man’s rise and fall. I for one will be pre-ordering the new toys, they’re selling out like beefcakes… I mean hotcakes. Just for research purposes of course!

Sam Dowler

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